Harriette Cole: I should never have agreed to the father-son blind date

DEAR HARRIETTE My mom s friend is on the hunt for a nice wife for his son and thinks I d be a great fit Related Articles Harriette Cole She took my car and went to brunch Two months later I got a huge bill Harriette Cole I keep replaying the moment this date went bad Harriette Cole My friend got engaged and now she s doing things that worry me Harriette Cole I exposed out his ex was in town when she demonstrated up for our date Harriette Cole I overheard my girlfriend say she wants to fly solo at the big event This matchmaker is an older man I know from church I ve never met his son My mom solicited if I d be open to hanging out with him and his family just to meet the son and see how I feel I thought it would be awkward to say no and see the dad at church every week so I agreed After meeting the son and realizing he wasn t the guy for me I decided it was ostensibly a bad call to agree to this old-fashioned supervised blind date Ever since we all had lunch his dad has been sending me kind text messages and apparently asks my mom for updates He s described my mom that his son is interested in getting to know me better but I find it strange that he s looking for love through his father For me that s a no-no Why didn t he at least have the courage to say that to me on that bizarre first date I ve lost all interest not that I ever had any but I don t even know who to reject at this point Arrangement Gone Bad DEAR ARRANGEMENT GONE BAD Is this man from a practices that values arranged marriage If so that s possibly why they are using this strategy with you Since that doesn t seem to be how you operate respectfully tell whoever contacts you next that in order for you to figure out if you even like this man you have to build a relationship with him If you are willing to talk to him or go out with him again tell his father or your mother that this suitor requirements to step up and make his own move The young man may be introverted or otherwise socially ill at ease You can give him a second chance but not in a way that makes you uncomfortable DEAR HARRIETTE I m the friend who reliably listens gives thoughtful advice and shows up for others no matter what I have going on I genuinely care about the people in my life and I take pride in being someone they can rely on Lately I ve realized that my ability isn t being returned When I m struggling or going through something no one really checks in on me It s like people assume I m invariably fine because I seem strong or emotionally put-together but the truth is I m not I don t want to come off as needy or make people feel like I m keeping figure but I m starting to feel invisible in the friendships I give the preponderance to How do I bring this up without sounding bitter or dramatic and how do I start prioritizing my own emotional necessities for once I ve started pulling away a little just to see if anyone notices and honestly it s been quiet That silence is louder than I expected and it hurts more than I want to admit Related Articles Dear Abby He s hurt when I call him she Was my response out of line Asking Eric My mother is the bad guy in the divorce Why should I forgive her Harriette Cole She took my car and went to brunch Two months later I got a huge bill Miss Manners I was furious about being poked on the airplane Dear Abby Is it OK to keep this secret from the priest I m scared that if I stop being the supportive one I won t have a place in these friendships at all Isolated DEAR ISOLATED It may be time for new friends More though you need to figure out what you need to be happy from the inside out Nobody else can fill that hole Figure out what you want and need to be happy and what you want from friends Moving forward make that clear to people who are part of your life Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams You can send questions toaskharriette harriettecole com or c o Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO