Asking Eric: I think their wedding plan is disrespectful to my mother

Dear Eric Our family will be celebrating our mother s th birthday this fall Related Articles Asking Eric The mother was flustered by a seemingly simple question Asking Eric Does this woman s behavior qualify as emotional hostage-taking Asking Eric My husband won t tell me what happened to his car Asking Eric I want these women out of my fiance s house Asking Eric I m starting to suspect my husband lied about his first wife We were planning on having an open house to include my mom s only living sister family and locality neighbors to honor a -year legacy that doesn t happen for everyone My niece s son proposed to his girlfriend in February and decided to set a wedding date the same weekend as our mom s birthday We are all very upset that they picked that particular weekend We feel when the calendar came out to pick a date my niece his mom should have taken that weekend off the table and stated them it was reserved My niece suggests that we have the th birthday party on Sunday the day after the wedding We think that is overkill for one weekend and would overshadow each event that should have their own special time I as well as particular others live out of state I m hours away So plan B would be to have mom s celebration the weekend before which means traveling hours if I want to be there both weekends for my mother s actual birthday I called my niece to see if there could be another weekend for them and she reported she didn t want to interfere We feel that mom and our plans that she knew about have been disrespected How can we deal with this whole situation I feel it s going to be a tense and unhappy event for everyone Disrespected Dear Disrespected Your mileage may vary quite literally but making a -hour trip for the party and then say a scant weeks later making the same -hour trip for the wedding had it been rescheduled sounds much more inconvenient than the plan to have one event on Saturday and the other on Sunday while everyone is in town As you start to excursion down the branches of a family tree calendaring gets complicated Frankly it can be hard to settle on a compatible date with the people in one s own house To plan his wedding your niece s son is negotiating with the demands of his immediate family the extended family and his fianc e s family Not to mention venue availability and that smallest of things what the actual couple wants Let s give them a break The wedding isn t going to steal the thunder of your mother s remarkable milestone These events have slightly overlapped guest lists and different purposes both wonderful I don t see disrespect here I see pragmatism By embracing the weekend as a double celebration of your family s past and future you ll create more meaningful memories than if you approach it with resentment Dear Eric My husband and I are in our s He works full time watches a lot of sports is on his computer a lot and runs around doing errands I work part time clean house cook do laundry and yardwork I know my husband loves me but he doesn t seem to have any regard for my feelings I love my kitchen but my husband thought it needed a lot of major changes I commented I liked it just the way it was He started these projects months ago The kitchen is now a mess and he s inevitably too tired to work on it There are other projects large and small that never get done I m either going to lose it or run away from home Perplexed About Projects Dear Perplexed You re both doing so much even the thought of a hard conversation about this kitchen mess is surely exhausting Just the thought of a half-remodeled kitchen is enough to send me straight to bed You have my sympathy Running away may not be necessary but see if you can figure out a break for yourself Are there friends or family you can visit Taking specific time away from the construction site and telling your husband why will help you breathe easier Though your husband might have had the best intentions intention doesn t equal impact And it ll help both of you if you are kind but clear with him about how this is impacting you Related Articles Dear Abby Do I have to change my eating habits when I m in populace Asking Eric The mother was flustered by a seemingly simple question Harriette Cole I d go out with him if it weren t for this woman s immature meddling Miss Manners I get vulnerable in front of a man and then this happens Dear Abby My mom wants me to train my toddler in certain tasks It s not going to happen Is it achievable for him to get someone in to help him set the kitchen right Ask him to do so and to give you a realistic timetable for when that s going to happen He may see the kitchen as just another item on the to-do list but this affects your life every day Share that with him and ask him if he understands This doesn t have to be a heated talk but it should be a goal-oriented one If the goal of repairing the kitchen isn t something that he can make a clear plan for then you can introduce option B a discussion about how the family budget can be restructured to allow for takeout every day Send questions to R Eric Thomas at eric askingeric com or P O Box Philadelphia PA Follow him on Instagram oureric and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas com